this day last year and the year before use use to be revolved around one person, its funny how now, i just remember and say happy birthday and go on my day just like any other thinking about stupid things and worrying too much.

have i fallen in love again? or am i just punishing myself?
have i ever really been in love? or is just what i think love is?
should i keep going doing what i am doing or should i just stop?

"with you, i can let my hair down i can say anything crazy, i know you'll catch me right before i hit the ground. with nothing but a t-shirt on, i never felt so beautiful, baby as i do now, now that im with you."

i havnt had a cigarette in 24 hours, i ran out. and i really fucking need one.
school is the usual, cold, boring, repetitive, un needed.
the afternoon is the same, i looked for someone, they werent there
i called someone, they were with their mates, again, surprise.. not.

id like to be in a story. a made up charachter.
who has adventures through her life.
and a happy ending.
but those stories are made up. they arent real. not the happy ones anyway.
notice how every protagonist in a story is backgrounded by some sort of pain or curse,
they cant be completely and utterly happy because of something that has happened to them.
maybe they don't always get it all wrong, why cant people just be happy. why does something have to be wrong? why does everyone have to go through pain if we are just going to die in the end?

even the best of people will die, michael jackson for example. he tried so hard to make a change in the world, and now he is gone, at fifty. he made so many people happy with his music and this is how he is repaid. and lucy, such a beautiful girl, who made everyone smile, and she didn't even get to live her life. rest in paradise, i love you.

"where there is love, i'll be there"

i want to be loved unconditionallly. i want to be surrounded by people who love me, and people that i love. the people i need in my life, in one place, perfect happiness for the rest of my life.
it would be great if we could wish hard enough for something and it would come true just like that.

i know who will be in my life for the rest of it. and those people know who they are, it seems like we have known eachother for so long, and it has only been a couple of years, but there are so many more to come. and recently i have been blessed with more of them. more people who i will never forget, and will have so many memories with, i just know it.

the future has been a big topic in the back of my mind alot recently. not just the near future, because i have a vaig idea what that will bring, although some things are still being decided. but the long term.
-what am i going to do once school is over?
-what do i want to be when i grow up?
-where am i going to live?
its all building up, and coming all so fast. and then it will all pass.quick.in the blink of an eye.

my story is being written as i type, as i brethe, as i sit here, as i think about everything, right now. its not perfect, but im happy. i could'nt ask for better friends, im not rich, but im not poor, im not famous, but im glad, i don't have the perfect life, but who does?
"gotta take the good with the bad, happy and the sad"
ups and downs, i'll get through it.
i would just like my happy ending, with all the inbetweens.

=)